Before...

Before… I was thinner, before. I had less wrinkles, before. I had more years ahead of me, before. Before today, I was younger….

On this day of my birth 56 years ago, I come to the section of verses 65-72 in my study of Psalm 119 . This passage speaks so much to me personally today, both in encouragement, and in reprimand. Some much too personal to share in an open forum….


I pray with David this morning, “LORD, be good to me as you have promised.
Increase my knowledge and give me good sense, because I believe in your commands…”

Good sense…. Notice how that phrase is followed with ‘because’and connected to more of the sentence? Where does good sense come from? Certainly not years…not necessarily !

One of the phrases you may hear me say is ‘young and ignorant’. The younger we are, the less life experiences we have, therefore…ignorance. You just can NOT know what you do not know.

Each year that passes, I again reflect on how ignorant I am….recognizing again just how little I know and understand.

God HAS blessed me with knowledge and understanding, for I know and understand so much more than I did at one time.

Yet as I grow older I am faced with the reality of how powerless we really are, how utterly helpless to control any single thing except our OWN choices. And those are difficult…


I believe the wisdom that age brings is this very thing…being wise enough to know how ignorant you really are.

I have many flaws, many wrong thoughts, many wrong motive. I have made many wrong choices. I have caused suffering, and I have suffered.

I regret causing pain. And while I do not like pain, the suffering I have personally experienced has brought me much good. “Before I went through suffering, I went down the wrong path. But now I obey your word…….It was good for me to suffer. That's what helped me to understand your orders. ” (vs.67,71)

How thankful I am for His forgiveness, and that He doesn’t leave me to my own resources.

Father, help me to follow Your way with every part of me….nothing held back, never in my own effort, but always and only depending on You to orchestrate my life. Help me trust You more completely.