Older...

Older… We count the years. We expect. We dread.

We expect our children to roll over, then crawl, then walk… on and on the list goes as our babies get older. Then we dread the day they leave, even though we expect it…even pray for it.

We dread the years piling up on us, dread the aches and pains, the health issues, the wrinkles. Even though we expect to get old, even want to live to be very old, we dread.

We expect to take care of our children. We expect to take care of ourselves. But do we really do either?
In reality, without what God provides, we are utterly helpless.

“Listen to Me…you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He Who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you. To whom will you compare me or count me equal?” (Isa. 46:3-5)

We are deceived by Satan’s lies that we have any power at all. The only thing we have is choice.

And with that choice, we choose so poorly sometimes. We choose to ‘pour out gold …hire someone…make a god and lift it up on our shoulders and carry it…set it up where it stands and can’t move from that spot. Though we might cry out to it, it does not answer and can not save from any trouble.’ (vs. 6-7 my version)

I never want my trust to be in money. I don’t want to pour it out in any way, trying to buy what only God can really provide. There is no security outside of Him.

I never want my trust to be in any thing or any system. We set up all these ‘things’ that supposedly make us secure, or even things that supposedly make us ‘righteous’ or ‘saved’. Then we must sustain it, we must carry it as it gets heavier and heavier. No thing and no system can make one iota of difference in an eternal way. There is no security outside of Him.

As I get older I want to pray regularly with David… “O God, You have taught me from my youth….now when I am old and gray headed, Oh God, forsake me not until I have shown Your strength to this generation and Your power to every one that is to come….” (Ps. 71: 7-8)

I’m older than I was. But I am not as old as I want to be.

And I want to be more and more useful as I grow older. Not less.

I long to watch and count as my children grow older. And I expect to see God do mighty things in their lives and expect Him to work through them as they too grow older.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3John 1:4)

Glory...

Glory… is it an ego trip?

Scripture has a lot to say about glory, especially about the glory of God. I once thought God had a really big ego that needed fed. Why else would He have so much to say in His Word about bringing Him glory?

I’m faced often with hard situations and difficult choices. Most of them would be so easy to make were I not a follower of Jesus Christ.

Every time I make a decision and follow through with actions in line with what Jesus would do, I bring Him glory…. (..remember WWJD?..)

In those difficult times I have opportunity to display the Character of God….IF (big if..) ….If my choice is made from His Truth, if I am doing it because it is right, if it is because He has called me to do it, and if I recognize that it is thru the power of His Holy Spirit that I am enabled and empowered to do it.

If you ever see any fruit of righteousness in me, you can be sure that it is because thru Jesus Christ, my love has abounded, my knowledge and depth of insight has abounded, if I am able to discern what is best, it comes thru Jesus Christ….and you need to be attracted to God because of what He might show you thru my life…. (Php. 1:9-11 my personalized version and Paul’s prayer for us )

There are many times I’d sure like to be Jonah. Run the other way. Pass my judgment and hold back God’s love and mercy from somebody else. Yep, some days my name is Jo-netta.

Sigh….

God doesn’t need glory. We need to see it.

God’s doesn’t need glory. I need to reflect it.…..because my glory at it’s best is still not attractive….only ‘filthy rags’. (Isa. 64:6)


“Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of Your Name. Deliver us and forgive our sins for Your Name’s sake.” (Ps. 79:9)

“I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.” (Php. 4:13)

Hope...

Hope… It is the desire of some good, with the expectation of obtaining it. I heard of two kinds today…

‘Hope So’ hope, and ‘Know So’ hope. What kind do you have?

How do you answer the familiar question, ‘If you die today, will you spend eternity in heaven?’

Do you have a god that ‘might’ be able to save you? Is that your hope?

Do you have enough willpower to correct what is wrong yourself? Is your own performance your hope?

Do you serve The God Who is able and willing? Is your hope in Him?

Do you hope you have hope?

Do you KNOW you have hope?

“I ask God to give you the spirit or wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may KNOW the hope to which He has called you….His incomparably great power for us who believe…” (Eph. 1:18)

Fit...

Fit… Do you?

I heard someone say they didn’t. I know that feeling. It made me stop to consider when I stopped feeling like I didn’t fit. Makes me wonder if somewhere along the way I began to fit , or if I just stopped caring that I didn’t fit.

Someone else I know once told me about a missing piece of a puzzle, a piece that she needed to complete the picture of herself. She searched for a long time for that missing piece.

To fit, I think we first have to know who we are. I can’t fit unless I know the shape of my piece of the puzzle. I won’t fit into your puzzle piece’s place. I have to find my own place, and to find it, I must examine what it is I’m searching for…what is it that I am trying to find a ‘fit’ for.

Jesus didn’t fit. Even though by His very breath, the stars were created. “By the word of the Lord were the heavens made; all the host of them by the breath of His Mouth.” (Ps. 33:6) Even though by His Word, light became. “..God said ‘Let there be light’, and there was light.”(Gen. 1:3)

He was responsible for the creation of every part of our reality and beyond…He made our world, yet did not fit in it…. “He was in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not.” (John 1:10)

It was not always so. God The Father created perfect fit, intimate relationship between God and man. “ …the Lord God, walking in the garden in the cool of the day… "and God called unto Adam, and said to Him, ‘where are you?’" (Gen.3:8) God came to walk with Adam in the cool of the day! Everything God made was once perfectly fitted. "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good."(Gen. 1:31)

Then the choice was made to know evil, the choice was made to decide for self rather than obey. Because sin was present, the perfect fit was spoiled. Everything that was once good, now had evil in the mix.

That is exactly why I didn’t fit. I didn’t understand it, but I felt it. I sensed the very real truth that something was dreadfully wrong. I was not what I was meant to be. And I was not meant to be any of the things that I saw offered as I searched for that missing piece and searched for the place where I fit.

I felt it until He did the work of re-creation in me…when I ‘received the Spirit Who is from God, …that I could understand what God has freely given me.’ (1 Cor.2:12 personalized by me)

I felt it until I found Him in such a personal way, that I no longer fell for the deception and lie of the enemy…no longer looked outward for where my puzzle piece fit.

I felt it until I looked upward to Him and then inward to His Spirit, The Holy Spirit that is now present within.

I don’t fit…HE does.

He fits perfectly into that gaping hole in my soul.

And because of that perfect fit, I don’t care that I do not fit anywhere else.

Birth Day

Birthday… Today is mine. It is also what I call my mother’s ‘birthing’ day…the day she gave birth….to me.

I have two birthing days. Two sons, healthy baby boys, born just a few minutes before nine o’clock in the morning after a long night of hard labor, 6 ½ years apart. Every year when those birth days come around I re-live the hours before, during, and after…remembering.

Today, 55 years ago, my mother was alone in an army hospital hundreds of miles away from any family or friend except for my daddy….and he wasn’t allowed in the room. (things are so different now, thankfully…)

Going thru childbirth for the first time, not knowing what to expect, alone with the pains except for strangers… Thank You God that You were there with my young mother.

I don’t remember that day, but it happened. Obviously.

I also don’t remember the day of my spiritual birth. I remember the day I was baptized. (two of them actually…) I remember times of repentance, times of knowing His Presence intimately… I recall definite times of change, times when I knew that I knew His direction and answers, times when His Voice was almost audible to my ears and not just to my spirit.

I don’t remember the moment of my spiritual birth. But it happened. Obviously.

“He gave me birth through the word of truth, that I might be a kind of first fruit of all He created.” (James 1:18)
“Praise be to the God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ ! In His great mercy He has given me new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade…”(1 Peter 1:3,4)

There was a long time that I questioned my spiritual birth…my salvation… Am I saved? Have I been re-born? I don’t remember an event.
Perhaps it is different for you. And that’s ok, even great ! For me…it was a process. Somewhere along the way, I was ‘born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring Word of God.’ (1 Peter 1:23)

Somewhere along the way, amid my struggle to re-create myself, trying to ‘fix’ all that was terribly wrong…I got out of the way long enough for God to do His work in me. I got tired enough to surrender the fight, accept that I was defeated in the battle against sin, keep the desire to have victory over it, yet look for victory from The One Who died to offer it to me.


Hallelujah, What a Savior !

Thank You Lord Jesus on this, my birthday…for Your birthing me…whatever that date was.

It happened.

It is obvious to me.

Cheqer tabawn....

Cheqer tabuwn … In Hebrew, it means finding out knowledge…

Isaiah says that we can not fathom God’s knowledge or His understanding. “ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth……………. and His understanding no one can fathom.” (Isa. 40:28)

But I try. I’m not the smartest gal around…but I’m smarter than I was. I’m not the wisest, but I’ve gained in wisdom. I don’t understand everything, but I understand a great deal more than I once did.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. All who follow His precepts have good understanding…” (Ps. 111:10) Fear was the beginning. Thank You God, that isn’t all there is.

I’ll never know as much as God knows. But I have knowledge OF HIM. And ‘if I call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, if I look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, I will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom…He holds victory in store…He is a shield…He gaurds the course…He protects the way…” (Pro. 2, selected passages, personalized by me)

I must ‘turn my ear to wisdom and apply my heart to understanding.’ Seems that often I listen for only what I want to hear. “ …since you would not accept my advice and you spurned my rebuke, you will eat the fruit of your way and be filled with the fruit of your scheme…” Ouch.

Better leave my schemes out of it, ya think?

“Trust in Me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, Connie. In ALL your ways acknowledge Me, and I will make your paths straight.”
(Pro. 3:5 personalized by me)

Pretty...

Pretty... Pretty is as pretty does.

When I was younger, I heard my grandmother say this, and countless others...and knew they were advising me to behave properly, be nice, be polite, smile and say please and thank you, etc. etc. etc.


"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

I've spent the last 35 years doing what I can do to improve appearances. Shaping a haircut to compliment and balance a face, using color to brighten a face, covering up the natural signs of aging (gray hair!! shudder.....)

I've practiced my craft, I've gotten a lot of education, know a lot of 'stuff' about what I do, how to do it and why. But only the outward appearance is changed. And while it is true that the outward appearance affects the way we feel about ourselves, it doesn't really change anything that is inside us. It doesn't change who we are.

I can change appearance, but only God can change a heart. And He is so very good at what He does.